I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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