I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
