i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
