lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
