I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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