i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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