im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
