Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
