I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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