soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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