It's Friday. Sex?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
