so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
