the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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