Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
