I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
