Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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