i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
