Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
