i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
