Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So squirting runs in the family.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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