great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
