My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
