If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
