I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
