i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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