i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
