haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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