she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
