What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
