when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
