hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
