My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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