Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
