it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
