from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
