oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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