tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
