Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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