what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
