I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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