So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
