is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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