Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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