We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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