very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
