I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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