I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
