I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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