It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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