I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
