pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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