seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
