I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
