we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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