Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize