brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
