cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
