apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
