Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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