Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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