honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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